How I feel doesn't matter.

ボーンズというドラマ、今ではシーズン12になっているそうです。10年前のシーズン1についてですが、ヒラリーさんを見ててふと書きたくなりました。感情に揺さぶられているからこそ、理性的に考えて事実を見出すことの重要性を訴えているこのエピソードがとても印象に残っています。



第8話「冷蔵庫に捨てられた少女」 THE GIRL IN THE FRIDGE
ブースが不法投棄された冷蔵庫の中から発見された遺体をラボに持ち込んできた。歯の治療記録から被害者は19歳のマギーと判明。彼女は1年ほど前に誘拐され、そのまま行方不明になっていたことが分かる。遺体からは致死量の医療用ヘロインが検出され、主治医の話から彼女に薬を横流ししていた女性の存在が浮上する。

memo
裁判の証言で苦戦していたブレナンを見たブースは、被告を無罪にしないためにブレナンの過去を持ち出すことを検事に提案。ブレナンは15歳の時に両親が失踪、その真相を暴くために法人類学者の道を選んだのだった。




スクリプト
(Levitt looks to Booth. Booth nods.)
LEVITT: Dr. Brennan, why did you become a forensic anthropologist?

BRENNAN: I beg your pardon?

LEVITT: There must be some reason you chose this field out of the hundreds of other careers someone of your intelligence could've chosen. Was there some emotional reason perhaps?

MEREDITH: Objection. Relevance, Your Honor?

BRENNAN: I don't see how this pertains to the case.

LEVITT: Dr. Brennan is cold, distant, and alienating, Your Honor.

BRENNAN: Hey!

LEVITT: I need the jury to understand why she's so cold. So that they might be willing to accept her testimony.

MEREDITH: Her personality issues are not relevant to this case.

LEVITT: They opened up this line of questioning, Your Honor. When Dr. Stires was on the stand, he wondered why Dr. Brennan became a forensic anthropologist. So the defense must've thought it had some relevance then.

JUDGE: Sorry, Mr. Meredith. You did raise the issue. Overruled. You may continue, Mr. Levitt.

LEVITT: Dr. Brennan, your parents disappeared when you were 15 and no one's ever found out what happened to them. Isn't that correct?

(Brennan looks at Booth. He looks right back.)

JUDGE: Please. Answer the question, Dr. Brennan.

(She hesitates.)

BRENNAN: That's correct.

LEVITT: It must be very painful. Is it fair to say that you've been trying to solve the mystery of their loss your whole life?

BRENNAN: Do I want answers? Yes. As how that has affected my behavior, which, I assume, is what you're trolling for, I don't put much stock in psychology.

LEVITT: Is that why you wrap yourself up in techno-speak, so you don't have to feel how these victims remind you of your own parents?

BRENNAN: How I feel doesn't matter. My job doesn't depend on it.

LEVITT: But it's informed by it. Or are you as cold and unfeeling as you seem?

(Brennan doesn't know how to answer. The camera pans to Booth, to the jury, to Maggie's parents, to Brennan, to Angela, to Levitt, then finally back to Brennan.)

BRENNAN: I see a face on every skull. I can look at their bones and tell you how they walked, where they hurt. Maggie Schilling is real to me. The pain she suffered was real. Her hip was being eaten away by infection from lying on her side. Sure, like Dr. Stires said, the disease could contribute to that if you take it out of context, but you can't break Maggie Schilling down into little pieces.

(The camera pans out to the jury, then back to Brennan.)

BRENNAN: She was a whole person who fought to free herself. Her wrists were broken from struggling against the handcuffs. The bones in her ankles were ground together because her feet were tied. And her side, her hip, and her shoulder were being eaten away by infection.

(The camera pans out to Maggie's parents, then back.)

BRENNAN: And the more she struggled, the more pain she was in. So they gave her those drugs to keep her quiet. They gave her so much, it killed her. These facts can't be ignored or dismissed because you think I'm (Brennan laughs dryly) boring or obnoxious, because I don't matter. What I feel doesn't matter. Only she matters. Only Maggie.

紹介した動画だと以下の肝心の部分が抜けていますが、彼女が苦しんでいるのを手に取るようにわかるので自分も苦しくてたまらないと説明した後のセリフです。

These facts can't be ignored or dismissed because you think I'm (Brennan laughs dryly) boring or obnoxious, because I don't matter. What I feel doesn't matter. Only she matters.
このような事実を無視したり、退けたりはできません。たとえ私が退屈で嫌な人物だったとしても。私のことなんてどうでもいいんです。私が感じていることなんてどうでもいいんです。大切なのは彼女なんですから。

一般に理性的だと分析的だと冷たい人間だと思われやすいです。機能的アプローチは官僚的だと批判もされやすいです。ただ、本当に大切に思うからこそ理性的にアプローチしなくてはいけないケースも人生には多々ありますよね。